Another One Bites The Dust

Though a fantastic song by Queen, I’m using the title only here. I highly recommend listening to any all Queen songs that you can, and I’m positive their music will pop up in this blog again. 

As I had recently blogged about, there was a guy I was crazy for. We really hit it off and text/video chatted often.  Though the distance between us was an obstacle, I was willing to give it a try.

But as of late, he’s very distant. Sometimes I won’t hear from him at all throughout the day.  As it stands as of this minute, I haven’t heard from him in 27 hours.  For the last week or so, this is becoming a trend, the time between messages is getting greater and greater.  I honestly am not sure how to take this.  I realize everyone has their own stuff going on, but it doesn’t take that long to send a text saying “Hey, I’m busy, but thinking of you.”

We were at a point where we were getting the feelings, and perhaps that was scary to him, or perhaps I was reading too much into our conversations.  But either way, he’s pulling away. 

Though it is kind of a slap in the face, it is what it is.  I cannot force someone to like me or be into me. The feeling of being ignored hurts, but there is nothing I can do about that.  I’m too old to be chasing people, and I just don’t have the energy to put into someone that isn’t going to reciprocate the sentiment. 

So, another one bites the dust.  I’m not going to reach out to him.  I’ll reply if he does text or call, but I am not going to waste my energy on someone that puts me on the back burner.  I have too much self worth to sit and wait on someone that treats me as an afterthought. If I am not a priority to you, you are not the one for me. 

As always, you can find the music from my blog by clicking here.

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Music

This is a quick blog just to announce a small change.  As you may have noticed as of late, all of my blog posts are song titles.  They may or may not have to do with the song directly, perhaps just that title or theme of the song, but from now going forward the titles will all be song titles unless otherwise noted. 

I have also created a running playlist of all the songs I have or will use going forward.  You can find the playlist by clicking this link. The playlist is on Spotify, which is tied to my Facebook account. I’m now easier to stalk! 

But since I titled this announcement so, Music is a great song by Madonna that continued a new era for her (starting with Ray Of Light) in which she has gone from the classic Madonna we all grew up with into the electronic/EDM age. She has reinvented herself so many times, but this one seems to be her comfort zone. I thorooughly enjoy her, her music, and especially this song. 

Enjoy the music, enjoy the blog, and enjoy my opinions on life!

One Fine Day

One fine day, you’ll look at me

And you will know our love was, meant to be
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for, will open wide
And you’ll be proud to have me, right by your side
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
Though I know you’re the kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I’ll keep waiting, and, someday darling
You’ll come to me when you want to settle down,
Oh!
One fine day, we’ll meet once more
And then you’ll want the love you threw away before
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl

This is a great song written by Carole King, most notably performed by The Chiffons, but there is an AWESOME cover by Natalie Merchant that is very jazzy and soulful. 

Now, obviously I am not a girl, but I have thought of the message of this song frequently as of late. As you may have read, I’ve got a new boo, but we live far enough apart that it is kind of an issue.  There are some other factors that (I feel) are keeping us from taking that plunge in the world of deeper feelings. I’m not hear to spout his business though. 

I think we are both hesitant to fall in love. We’ve both been in situations where we got hurt and don’t care to go through that again. Which I think is completely understandable. But I think I am more open to the idea of trying than he is. I get a sense of hesitation from him any time we discuss something serious. Some of the factors on his end I understand, others I think he is just avoiding the topic all together.

I don’t think he’s “the kind of boy who wants to run around” as the song states, but I do feel like I’m not as important to him as he’s becoming to me. I don’t want to be on anyone’s back burner. 

I am patiently waiting for him to get to where I am. I hope that it works out. For now, I’m content with how things are. But I hope that he’ll want me totally…..One Fine Day.

Stranger In My House

This song, by Tamia, has always been a favorite of mine. The original version is kind of a slow ballad about how people change in a relationship, how someone can become a stranger to you right before your eyes. I prefer the “club mix” The HQ2 Vocals Up mix specifically.  It’s actually a great song to jam to on the treadmill at the gym!

I have had some experience with people changing in relatioships (see nearly all of my previous posts), but I chose this song title today because I have recently noticed a change in myself. I have noticed that I am not interested in being social AT ALL.In fact, the idea of going to work, or to the store, or any interaction with other people gives me anxiety. I’ve never been a fan of crowds, but I’ve not really shied away from my friends and that has become the case lately. I’ve always enjoyed my alone time, but it’s becoming extreme.

That’s not the only change I’ve noticed though. I haven’t been to the gym in over two weeks. I’ve not been watching my diet as I used to do religiously. I could care less about making myself presentable to the public (at one point last week I didn’t even shower for three days…just dressed for work, came home and watched tv until I fell asleep and got up to repeat the process). I’m starting to get a little belly bulge again. As of today, Thanksgiving Day, I haven’t had a bottle of water since Saturday, it’s all been coffee, diet Pepsi, and Monsters. 

The most depressing part of this story is that I realize there is a problem, but have no desire to fix it. Maybe it’s seasonal depression, maybe I’m just lonely, maybe I have some underlying medical issue that I’m unaware of, or maybe I just quit caring.  But the fact remains that I am different than I used to be. I hardly recognize this new Jason with no drive to power through. A line of the song that resonates with me, “If these walls could talk, they’d have nothing to tell” is extremely accurate. 

To paraphrase the song, there’s a stranger in my house, it took a while to figure out, there’s no way I can be who I think I am, I’ve got to be someone else, So I’m convinced there is a stranger in my house.  

I Was Country, When Country Wasn’t Cool

I grew up in a very rural area on a farm in Indiana. I’ve stated that before (numerous times), but something I’ve not discussed is how my upbringing influenced my very eclectic musical tastes.  

Being born in the Seventies, and growing up in the Eighties and Nineties, it was a time before YouTube, video on demand, iTunes, or any other instance of the conveniences we have at our fingertips today to hear what we want. We had eight track tapes, vinyl records, cassettes, and later cds. We had the radio, we had MTV (which at the time actually played music videos). If we wanted to hear a specific song, we either spent the money to buy the album (or single), or we would sit by the radio and tried to hit record on our tape recorders when our song came on. If a song meant that much to you, you had to work for it.

My musical influences came at me from different, overlapping angles. My mom listened to country music mostly with a bit of religious music thrown in. My dad listened to the “oldies” station, which at that time wasn’t all that old. My friends listened to the “pop” music stations and that was kind of a mix between rock, pop, and R&B. My best friend growing up was in dance classes (she now teaches dance), so I got a lot of music from her…pop, country line dance, etc. I had options to listen to, but looking back, I’d say that I pretty much listened to other people’s choices and absorbed from that. 

I spent a lot of time with my mom growing up, and with my best friend’s family, who listened mostly to country music. By the time I was in high school, I was a big fan of the country music of the time. Not that I didn’t listen to other things, but mostly country. Artists like Reba McEntire, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, John Michael Montgomery, Lorrie Morgan, and Bryan White were some of the favorites I had at the time (and still listen to today).  In fact the first concert I ever attended was Reba. It was the most amazing experience. 

My mom listened to a lot of more classic country, like Dolly Parton, George Jones, Tammy Wynette, etc. and I enjoyed that too.  My dad introduced me to a lot of music that was from before I was born, Credence Clearwater Revival, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and various other “classic rock” bands.  My friends (especially in middle and high school) were listening to Guns -N- Roses, Def Leppard, Whitney Houston, New Kids On The Block, and Bon Jovi. 

I took in all the influences I could. But I have to admit, it was high school before I started making my own musical decisions. I jumped on the country bandwagon. In fact, as a freshman, we had to write a letter to ourselves ten years in the future. I wrote myself that I hoped I had become as big of a country music star as Garth Brooks.  I enjoyed the music so much then that I wanted to be a part of that world myself.  

It has now been 25 years since I wrote that letter to myself.  I’ve jumped back off of that coutry music bandwagon.  I still enjoy the music I grew up with, but I am not a fan of this newer coutry music at all.  Maybe it was the people I was around after high school through my twenties and early thirties, but country music kind of fell off the radar. Rock, R&B, (and later) Rap, and Pop music was the mainstream. Which is a pretty eclectic mix in itself. 

Nowadays, country is making a comeback (mainstream wise). Artists Like Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood, and Florida-Georgia Line are bringing the genre back to the forefront of today’s pop culture. And with Blake Shelton recently being named People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive”.  Though I am not a personal fan of some of this newer country (I can’t stand Taylor Swift…her catchy songs make me want to pull my hair out even though I don’t have any). But I have spent a lot of time lately listening to the (now classic) country I grew up with.  

The resurgance of country music is heartwarming.  There are a lot of great songs in the genre that I am glad are getting the recognition they deserve. Amongst the people I know though, a lot of them are just getting into country, both the newer stuff and rediscovering some older songs that I’ve known about for years. I think it’s great that people are getting back into the music of my youth, but (in the words or Barbara Mandrell) I was country, when country wasn’t cool. 

 

You Make My Dreams

Though arguably the best Hall & Oates song, I’m just stealing the title today. Everyone has dreams. Things they wish to happen in the future. Some dream of unrealistic things like winning the lottery or living a life where they live beyond their means and don’t work, but some of us have dreams that we can acheive.  

This can go by different “titles”….dreams, goals, hopes, wishes….But they are all the same in the instance of which I am writing.  I have a lot of dreams for my life.  To excel at work, to continue to rebuild my credit, to eventually regain my license and a car.  All of these are acheivable.But the one thing that keeps seeming to elude me is love.  I want to be loved, I think everyone does. I had a love once that accepted me unconditionally, and I have a dream that I will find another.

For the past three weeks, I have been talking to someone that may fill that bill. Though we have not officially met (he lives 100 miles away), we have been texting and have talked on Skype. He seems to be the perfect person to heal my lonely heart. We have things in common, enough differences to keep it interesting, we seem to be compatible both sexually and in our beliefs, and he is absolutely adorable. 

We’ve talked several times about the future, what we want and don’t want, where we hope this goes, and all those other little conversations that a new couple has. We seem to be on the same page about a lot of things and that’s great. But we’ve not had an in depth conversation about our dreams of a perfect relationship.I’m sure we will, but it’s still new and we’ve not gotten there yet.  As I gave him a link to my blog, he can now read mine, as I am going to spell it out below. 

I dream of loving someone that loves me back. An unconditional kind of love that can weather anything that life may throw our way.  I’d like to have a house that we can afford, bills paid, food in the fridge, and not have to need anything.  I’d like to be able to be proud to have him by my side, have the desire to show him off and think “WOW, He’s mine”.  I would hope they felt the same about me. Someone who can be my best friend as well as my lover. Someone I want to be around all the time, but I can miss when he is gone. Someone to laugh at my dumb dad jokes, and that makes me laugh as well. 

I have a lot of Dreams for my future, but I think that the best part of talking to (Name hidden for privacy) is that he makes me dream in the first place.  He makes me want to be better and he makes me want to strive for all of the feelings I described earlier. He makes me want to dream of happiness and a life of love. For that I thank him (and I actually did in a text this morning). 

Like the song says, “you make my dreams come true”. and I dream that continues to happen.  

I’ll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes,

Come on and come to me now, and don’t be ashamed to cry,

Let me see you through, ’cause I’ve seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you, you don’t know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less,

I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad, don’t hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
Hey there, what you got to hide?
I get angry too, well, I’m alive like you.
When you’re standing at the cross roads,
And don’t know which path to choose,
Let me come along, ’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you.
Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I’ll never desert you,
I’ll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
You’re feeling all a lone, you’re wandering on your own,
I’ll stand by you.

I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,
And I’ll never desert you,
I’ll stand by you,

I’ll stand by you.
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you


This is probably one of the best songs describing how a relationship SHOULD be. It’s about sticking together, through the hard times and being there to support your love regardless of what may befall them. 

No relationship is going to be happy and upbeat all the time. It’s inevitable that some bad times will be come to any relationship that’s worth a damn.  People lose loved ones, lose jobs, have accidents, etc.  The hope is that these things don’t happen, but the truth is that they do.  Sometimes bad things happen to good people. The right thing to do is to stand by your loved one when they are having a hard time. 

I have failed at this in the past. My husband was a drug addict and I chose to run away and as a consequence, he died.  But I have learned from that instance. If you care about someone, you do everything you can to help them, support them, and lift them out of their hard time.  It’s what you do in a relationship. You may not be able to “fix” or “solve” the problem at all times, but if nothing else, you help carry the burden with you. Let them know they are not alone and they are cared for. 

I chose this particular topic today because, as I said, it’s something I failed to do in the past.  Also, I am in the beginning stages of a relationship with a new guy and I want it to be known that should hard times fall upon us in the future (if it goes well and we have a future) I will be there. I have learned that giving up is not the answer. 

I’m a “fix it” kind of guy, but I know that I cannot fix every problem.  I’m limited to what I can do. but I am not limited about the support I can give.  The line of the song “Baby, Even in your darkest hour, I’ll never desert you” is the epitome of how it should be.  Don’t run, don’t try to sweep the problem under the rug, don’t give up….just fix it if you can and help carry the burden if you can’t. 

That’s why this song is so important to me. It reminds me of hwo things should be, how I haven’t responded in the past, and advises me for the future.