About My Late Husband

Tim and I met in a chat room on the internet in 2004. We talked a lot, got to know each other, even were at the same club at the time on more than one occasion. We had an astounding amount of mutual friends and ran in the same circle. I pursued him for nearly two years to actually go out with me. On February 2, 2006 we did, and we’re together from that moment forward. I didn’t want anyone else but him, it was a case of love on the first date. A date that lasted three days. Within a few months, he moved in with me in Indiana (he lived in Ohio previously). He was not thrilled about living there, I could tell, but he did it because he loved me. 

Getting to know Tim took a long time. He had an interesting life, and was very adventurous. The son of an Air Force veteran, he moved around a lot as a child, and lived in a lot of places around the country and in the United Kingdom. He had done and seen so much growing up that learning about it took a while. It made my childhood growing up on a farm and being in the same school system with the same friends my whole life seem lame in comparison. Little did I know at the time we envied each other. 

Tim was extremely interested in, and good at, being artistic. Home decor, painting, crafts, bonsai, fashion design, the list goes on. While I am perfectly content with a chair to sit in and a t.v. to watch, Tim wanted our place to be pleasing to look at. He painted nearly every place we lived, made (or a few times) purchased artwork for the walls, rearranged the furniture to be complimentary to the room, and he had an incredible eye for detail when making sure that everything was just perfect (i.e. the heighth of a lamp in comparison to things around it). The attention he gave everything astounded me. 

Tim was also the smartest man I’ve ever met. He had a unquenchable thirst for knowledge. If any subject came to his attention to which he was unaware, he’d read everything he could on the subject. While I read far more books than he did, I rarely read anything to broaden my knowledge, but he would read manuals, websites, articles, and all other manner of informational literature. I would go so far as to say he was an expert in several topics. He had an excellent memory, so once he learned something, it stayed with him. His memory was both a blessing and a curse for me, while he remembered positive things, he also remembered what I said he didn’t like four years ago….

Tim loved to dress up. Any occasion for him to wear a suit and tie was a thrill for him. I am a tee shirt and jeans kind of guy, actually hate wearing ties, so this was an often an uncomfortable time. Never once did I deny him the opportunity to get me fancy though. He’d stand behind me and tie my tie, I think he secretly loved it, though he never admitted as much. He often set clothes out for me to wear. On more than one occasion, he informed me that IS what I’d be wearing, to get over it. Jokingly, he’d say “just listen to me, you know you have no fashion sense”.

Tim was the funniest person I know. He made me laugh daily, even during rough times. His sense of humor was strong. Puns were a particular favorite of his. As I mentioned before, his memory was long, and as my common sense isn’t as great as my actual knowledge, he’d often remember silly things I said and remind me. He never made me feel like he was laughing AT me though, always with me. 

Tim was an excellent cook. He hated repeating meals in any close time frame. Sometimes it would be months before we repeated a recipe, and even then he would change it up (improve it, he called it). He knew what tastes, spices, cooking techniques went well together. He was great at “pleasing your palate”, making sure he satisfied all your tastes sensations. I remember an informative lecture after dinner one night about umami, one of the tastes on your tongue. 

Tim was an avid video gamer. His favorite was all of the Legend of Zelda games. He’d play for hours. He’d cuss, scream, and take breaks when he couldn’t figure out a part, but he was pretty good at them. I don’t have the hand-eye coordination to play really, but I’d watch him play. He always thought that was weird, but I’d sit and watch like it was a movie. 

Tim was both far gayer and far manlier than I am. We often joked about that, I was sub-par on both fronts. He was a drag queen, designed his own outfits, cooked, crafted, and several other things that could be construed as more “feminine”. But on the other hand he was extremely handy about fixing things, building things, and he had a very deep voice, all things that seemed “manly”. 

Tim was a night owl. Rarely did he ever go to bed before the sun came up. When I took my promotion at work and had to work days, he was furious. Not for the promotion, but because it was going to limit our time together. As a compromise, I’d sleep while he was at work, so I could spend time with him at night, then I’d catch a small nap before work. Though he refused to take me to work (I don’t drive), he was usually still awake when I left. He often told me the dark inspired him, that is when he got the best ideas for whatever project he was working on. 

There are countless things I could (and may eventually) share about Tim. The memories come in floods some days. He drove me crazy, both in good and bad ways. He was a horrible housekeeper, had trouble focusing on one thing at a time, and talked me into doing things I didn’t want to do. But he was gorgeous, smart, funny, adventurous, and caring. Everything he did, he did to prove he loved me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was selfless, he was kind of selfish, but he always wanted things for US. The countless things I’ve heard (since his death) he said to others close to us prove that. It is very painful to live without him in my life, in whatever capacity, but I take comfort in the fact that I am a better person for having known and loved him. 

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