I’ve been single for about eight months now. While I am not looking for a serious relationship at the moment, I have been seeking some companionship and dating. Thus far, it’s not going well.
Shortly after becoming single, within a month or so, I started seeking friends and/or activity partners. I am fairly active, love hiking especially, so this past summer I sought out friends that might want to go. I was also open to trying new things that I’ve never done, but still an outdoor activity (i.e. kayaking, canoeing, etc.). The reality of the situation was I found a lot of guys that assumed that hiking was code for “let’s go fuck in the woods”. That NOT was I meant, I legitimately wanted to go hiking.
I didn’t give up hope easily though. I continued my search for friendship. I did meet a few people that I had some great conversations and connections with, but sadly their ulterior motives reared their ugly heads soon enough.
One guy was a bit older than me by about fifteen years, he too had recently left his ex, had been through several of the same struggles I was going through at the time, and was very nice and understanding. However, as time went by, he steered several of our conversations towards who was getting me off now that I’m single. Has my penis been active? So on and so forth. I brushed it off at first, but eventually it started making me uncomfortable. So I quit talking to him all together.
Another guy I met, I admit I was extremely attracted to. But he was going through his own break up, and had his own setbacks. He was great at comparing what I was going through to his own situation (should have been a warning sign), and was strong willed enough to have that “it’s going to be great as soon as this is over” attitude. An attitude I kind of needed to hear as a sort of pep talk for myself. Unfortunately for me, things got out of hand on a couple of occasions and I provided some oral relief for him. To this day, he claims to be my friend, is glad we are a part of each other’s lives, etc. But I only see him when his dick is hard and he wants a blow job….I’m usually “busy” and not available to hang out.
A third guy I met seemed nice. He, too, had recently broken up, recently moved to his own place, and several other similarities. He is about fifteen years younger though, but seemed to have a good grip on life and had his shit together. I fully intended for him to be a chat buddy only, and not meet him, even though he legit lives a block away from me. Then one night, my hormones got the best of me, and I decided to get flirty with him. The conversation ended with me at his place. I thought, “oh well, I’m free, single, definitely of age….I can have a hook up if I want, no big deal”. I had fun, it was nice. We went on an actual date a couple of times afterwards, hung out at one another’s place a few times. But then all of the sudden, he started talking, texting, snap chatting, etc. as though this may become something. Well, I ran scared. I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I don’t know that I will be for a while honestly. It’s nothing against him whatsoever, he’s a nice guy, but because I wasn’t sure if his intentions, I’ve been pretty distant since.
I know that no one person is ever going to check off every box in any type of relationship, be it friends, dates, etc. There will always be some compromises on both parts, I get that. But I’m going to be picky, and find someone that gets me, that satisfies (most of) my needs, and that does so at MY pace. What I want is not the topic here, that may be a future blog at some point, but how I want to go about it is the issue at hand. On my terms, in my own time frame, and I get to choose what I will and will not compromise on.
I’m going to be strong, I’m going to be wise, and most importantly, I’m going to be picky.