Despite my last post of how socially awkward I am, I wish that someday the above statement were true. Hopefully someday I can make it true. I have overcome a lot of obstacles in my life and I can honestly say it DOES get better. Especially once you stop trying to make everyone else happy, and focus on yourself. You are the only thing standing in the way of your own happiness. That is the message I’d like to impart on others.

Case in point, when I was younger (25 or so) I had a friend (she was a year or two younger than me) whose little brother, who was about 16 at the time, attempted suicide. He did this because he was gay, from a deeply religious family, and knew no other gay people from which to learn how to deal with his problems. Sure, my friend was friends with me, an openly gay man, but said brother wasn’t. After hearing of his downward spiral and attempted demise, I probed my friend for information. She said he told her that he felt conflicted with his faith, felt unloved by his parents and friends, and had a feeling of shame and guilt by being who he was. This just seemed sad and heartbreaking to me. After further questioning, my friend chose to no longer be my friend, as she felt that I was trying to use her to get to her little brother (I was not, I was merely trying to help him discover who he was and be okay with that through her, as I didn’t know him). I wish I could have met this young man, and told him that it gets better and showed him a more positive life and how to deal with what he considered shortcomings in his own life.
(Through another mutual friend, I know this young man is still alive and well and having spent many years on a dark path is doing well and living a happy life with a partner in California)

I had many people in my life that showed me kindness, that taught me right from wrong, that encouraged me to be who I am, and that lifted me up when I thought things were at their lowest. It wasn’t always in major ways, it was often through encouragement,  kind words, or sometimes advice when things weren’t clear to me. I am eternally grateful to these people, and I have told them so. I wish I could be that person for someone else. I want to pay it forward. I want to be the type of person that you can come to with a problem, even if I do nothing more than listen. Sometimes that’s all it takes. I could offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, or be your cheerleader in whatever you decide is right for you, I could offer truth if you are onto a bad path, or just tell you that you need to suck it up sometimes (Being helpful isn’t always positive).

I just want to make a difference in someone’s life. In my opinion, suicide, criminal behavior, and long-term depression are not acceptable. If these thoughts have crossed your mind, you need more positive influences in your life. In not saying I can help everyone, or that I would be a good choice for everyone. But there are those out there that I know I could help.

Who knows, we may end up helping each other.


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