A to Z: W is for Wishes

We’ve all heard the story of Aladdin and his lamp, or any Genie story really, were you get three wishes after rubbing the magic lamp. I’ve often daydreamed that this was real and I could have my wishes. The problem is, what three would I choose? I have a hard time settling on just three, and wishing for more wishes is strictly forbidden (I’m sure there is a moral there about being greedy). Also, Genies are notorious tricksters, so how can I get a wish without harming someone else?

There are some obvious choices to consider: I wish I were taller. I wish I didn’t start balding at an early age. I wish I were wealthy. I could wish for a long healthy life, or even to be immortal. I could wish to not be allergic to anything (my nose would thank me). I could wish to be thinner. To be young again. For cheeseburgers that make my abs tighter. For reading time that freezes real time, so I could read and still have time to work and have a life. For pants that fit properly. For shoes that never wear down. For no snow, ever. For cigarettes that actually make me healthier. For cherry coke that makes you skinny. For odor free cat poop. For underwear that does its job (see the letter U). For a clean house without having to do it myself. For friends that like me for me and want to read with me all day and then talk about it all night. For a pet Dragon.

Really, the possibilities are endless.

But I think if I were actually confronted with this situation here are the three wishes I’d make and why:

I’d wish to be able to read people’s minds when I wanted to. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what people were really thinking sometimes? I wouldn’t want to hear people all the time, but sometimes I just wonder what people are thinking when I am talking to them. Especially when they get that glazed look on their face like I’m speaking a foreign language. Or you just see someone lost in thought and you wonder what’s going on in their head. Or some times your are talking with someone and they are acting like a shady bitch and you wonder what they really think of you. Again, I wouldn’t want to hear some people, and I would want to hear anyone all the time.

I’d wish to be able to make excellent business choices with my money, so I’d never be poor. I doubt I’d flat out wish for money, but it would be nice to be able to more wisely invest the money I do have. Like, if I am going to invest, I’d like to know that it wasn’t such a gamble. Knowing what is going to make me the most money ahead of time would be helpful. Like insider trading, but all in my head.

I’d wish to have the answers (if I wanted them) to life’s burning questions. Like who really killed JFK? is God real? what caused the big bang? have aliens ever visited Earth? what do cats really think of people? is there a cure for the common cold? for cancer? for AIDS? How much ___ is too much? What happens to our consciousness when we die? How beneficial is the power of positive thinking really? If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? How little do politicians really care about more than their padded bank accounts? What would the founding fathers think of today’s America? How did some of the most popular foods become do popular…like who looked at a lobster and thought, you know if I boil this I bet it would be delicious. Why do men think their ass hanging out of their pants is cool? Are ghosts real? Why did someone think daylight savings time was a good idea? Why are money, distance, size and weight all measured differently, but time is universal? And why isn’t time on the metric system like most of the world’s other measurements? Why did someone keep grapes long enough to ferment it into wine? And why on earth would they drink it after all that? Why does Nickelback keep on making music (you know I’m right)? And most importantly, which came first, chickens or eggs?

What would your wishes be?

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