Something Stupid

Something Stupid is a great song from 1967, a full decade before I was even born.  Originally recorded by Frank Sinatra and his daughter Nancy, it has been covered a few times. I like the Robbie Williams/Nicole Kidman cover, but the original is pretty awesome.I chose this song for two reasons today.  One, the actual meaning of the song, and two, the state of the news today. I’ll start with the latter.

Recently, our president referred to other countries as “shitholes”. He partially won the presidency on the basis of keeping immigrants out of our country and encouraging racial profiling.  He tweets daily about things that just shouldn’t be said by the leader of a country.  His comments about North Korean leader Kim Jung Un alone have been enough to start a war that we don’t need or want. The worst part is, when he tweets stupid shit, he is the representive of our nation, not just a man voicing his opinion. I strongly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion on issues (this blog is dedicated to mine), but when you are the top man in the country you need to use a lot of political correctness when talking/tweeting.  Donald Trump does not. 

Regardless of what you think of him (I’m not a fan obviously), he is our president. My major issue with him at the moment isn’t his opinions on matters, it’s the fact he denies things that he has said.  He’s made some VERY racist remarks, but over the weekend has been telling the media “I’m the least racist person you’ll ever interview”.  WHAT. THE. FUCK. The proof is RIGHT THERE that you said these things! I know he’s started this whole “fake news” excuse, that he’s constantly being taken out of context, which could be the case sometimes, but you cannot deny what you yourself deliberately type on twitter. The proof is there! It’s a sad day that this man thinks the rest of the country is so stupid to believe the “I didn’t say that” excuse.  

He should keep a bit of professional decorum while he sits in that oval office. Maybe a little less of the “Believe what I tell you, despite the proof to the contrary” attitude.  I’m actually not sure what is worse, his opinions or the fact he honestly thinks he is always in the right and has done nothing wrong.  His flippant attitude towards his ever increasingly stupidity really has me concerned. But the fact he honestly believes that he’s the best thing ever to happen to our country truly is Something Stupid….

Now that I’ve rambled on, the actual meaning of the song.  The song itself is about being desperate for a love that you know isn’t going to reciprocate.  Which is kinda creepy considering Frank Sinatra recorded it with his daughter, not a potential lover. I kind of empathize with the song though.  I’ve recently been ready to get back into the dating world, but I fear that I’ve been lonely for so long that I’ll latch on to the first person that shows the slightest attention. I’m being mindful of that…knowing is half the battle. 

There was Josh, whom I talked to for over two months.  It seemed great at the time, but looking back it wasn’t right.  He never made me a priority, didn’t want to talk about anything of any substance, and was very emotionally unavailable. I’m not saying that I expect to know all your truth up front, but you can’t be completely closed of during a conversation. It just doesn’t work that way. Today marks one week since I’ve even heard a peep out of him.  I’m just going to leave it that way.  I understand people are busy, but if you can’t take thirty seconds out of your day to say “I’m busy, but hope you are well” then screw it. I was married to a narcissist that made everything about himself but then just when you couldn’t take it anymore, he’d do something for me just to make me happy.  I learned from those years that that is not something I want.  

I am lonely, but I am not desperate.  I want to find someone that makes me want to be with them, not fight for attention. It will take a special person to make me “spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you” as the song states.  

As always, you can find the playlist of my blog by clicking here. 

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Maybe That’s Something

First of all, Sheryl Crow’s album The Globe Sessions is a superb masterpiece of a break up album.  Maybe That’s Something is a great song, as are numerous other tracks from the album, I highly recommend it.  But I’m stealing the title here. 

Today is January 6th, less than a month until the dreaded anniversary of Tim’s death.  I know that it is looming close, but I am not sure where I stand on the issue.  I’ve made my peace with his passing a while back, but new issues have arose from that.  The sheer volume of crap I deal with that can be directly tied to his death astounds me at times. I actually feel sorry for those that have to deal with me. 

I am not feeling any overwhelming sadness, and that surprises me. I was devistated when he died.  Right now, I am still sad he’s gone, but it isn’t that crippling sadness that it once was. I almost feel like I can deal with life without him in it, and maybe that’s something. 

I’ve decided to take a break from trying to date, talk to, hook up with, or any other instance involving other people.  Not because I want to, but because I am concerned that, as February nears, a collapse of emotions is going to happen.  I’m actually feeling like I am at a place where I can be myself around others. I’m almost comfortable with the fact that I loved and lost someone so important to me, and that is an odd statement, but I feel it’s kind of another step of making me who I am. Maybe that’s something that I’ve reached a zen attitude.

The only problem I’m foreseeing is the fear that I am going to, at some point, crumble back to the sad crying creature I was for months.  The fear is what I feel I need to overcome now.  The fear of what I may feel later, the fear of actually letting go, and the fear that I will forget. Maybe that’s something that I am aware of my fears and I want to overcome them. 

Perhaps I am just growing as a person and I know now what I want, what I need, and what I deserve.  I have a list of goals and desires that I am not letting others dictate for me, and I am not letting my own feelings get in the way either.  And maybe that’s something….

Joy To The World

Merry Christmas to those of you that partake and Happy Monday to the rest of us! As it is the the holiday season and all, I thought I’d attempt to sound festive yet maintain my anti-Christian holiday stance.  

Around this time of the year, you hear a lot of stories on the news, social media, and other outlets about the random acts of kindness that people do for the less fortunate.  Though I LOATHE Christmas, I do find these to be heartwarming. The problem is, that while we are bombarded with these stories around the holiday season, we should hear about them all year long. Occasionally you’ll hear a blip on the news about good things at other times, but the stories behind them don’t get the press they deserve unless it is “help for the holidays” that the media so likes to hype.  

People all across the country, and throughout the world, fall on hard times.  Fires, hurricanes, illness, accidents, and other tragedies tear lives apart every day.  And for every one of those people that are stuggling, there is a good person willing to help them.  That’s right, real heroes do exist! It need not be a Christmas miracle though, it could be a March 22nd miracle, or an October 3rd miracle. 

It doesn’t even have to be a large gesture such as buying someone’s Christmas gifts or providing their holiday meal. Sometimes the best thing you can do for people is be kind to them.  Smile, spark a random conversation, compliment them, or (if you feel more materialistic things are important) donate items you no longer have a need for. Being a compassionate person isn’t just for the wealthy, the smallest things to you may be the best thing for someone else. At one of the hardest times of my life, a few friends cleaned out their pantries and I had food for a month.  

But my pooint is this…Be kind to one another. ALL the time, not just on Christmas. 

For today’s song I chose “Joy To The World”, but not the Christmas carol, but the Three Dog Night version that reminds us to spred the joy in our own lives to those around us. Though it is a bit confusing as to why a bullfrog had some mighty fine wine….

As always, you can find the playlist to my blog by clicking here. 

You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Now, I’m sure you are all confused by this, as I have stated numerous times that I hate Christmas. But, that is exactly how The Grinch was prior to his heart growing three sizes.  Unfortunately, mine has not and I’m not holdiing out hope for it to any time soon. 


But, I am a Grinch about a lot of things lately, not just the holidays.
First off, I work in retail, so this whole season started for me all the way back in the end of October when we started receiving Christmas merchadise. Dealing with one holiday for months on end really takes a toll on you.  Especially since it is a holiday you do not celebrate. Not to mention that you never know who believes what as far as your shoppers go, so you can’t even fake it and say “Merry Christmas” to everyone. They may be there shopping for Hanukkah, Kwanza, or may not be celebrating at all. The political correctness can wear you down. I tend to stick with “Happy Holidays” as it least it doesn’t single anyone out. 

Secondly, the “I hate my family” saga is continuing on.  I decided against going home to my father’s house on Thanksgiving because I didn’t want to run the risk of seeing my brothers. I am in no way upset with my father or his wife, but I explained to him how I couldn’t care less if I ever saw or talked to them again. Then, to top it all off, my mother had the audacity to text me yesterday and ask for my address and social security number so she could make me the benficiary of her life insurance.  Bitch, I haven’t talked to you in MONTHS and the last time I did I told you I wanted nothing to do with you, my brothers, or your fat ass husband. What makes you think I want to deal with your shit should you pass away?  My heart hasn’t grown three sizes in that area either. 


Third, I am still harboring resentment about not having access to Tim’s things, most of which were OUR things, not just his.  It’s been over 10 months since he passed away, and it remains to be “too painful” to divide his things or return those that were mine in the first place. i love my in-laws, always have, but the procrastination about this is starting to piss me off. I’d like to have some memories of things we had together, something he made to remember him, and there are a few things that were mine he had we just never got around to dividing up like DVDs and such. Not to mention there are a few furniture pieces I’d like such as the barstools we had at our passthrough window, the chair we had by the couch that I’d like to use as my reading chair and our dresser which I could use for my clothes.  I know that his family isn’t using these things and really have no need for them.  I’ve been to all of their houses, they aren’t in need of them.  I’d like at least one piece of artwork that he created, he had several paintings and such that he made, it would be nice to have something.  
Lastly, I am getting cranky about my friends. Everyone seems to be shacking up, wrapped up with a new boyfriend, or just otherwise engaged in something that no one is available to be a friend.  I’m happy they all have things going on in their lives, don’t get me wrong, but even when I am in a situation like that, I make time for my friends.  I consider my friends my family, except (unlike actual family) I CHOSE to have them in my life. I would expect the same consideration from them, but I am not getting it. 


So, here I am….a Grinch about everything. I’m okay with that I guess, I learned a long time ago that I couldn’t depend on anyone but myself, I just didn’t expect to be 40 and reliving lessons.  I am a mean one, Mr. Jason…..er, I mean Grinch….

As always, you can find the songs from my blog by clicking here.

Another One Bites The Dust

Though a fantastic song by Queen, I’m using the title only here. I highly recommend listening to any all Queen songs that you can, and I’m positive their music will pop up in this blog again. 

As I had recently blogged about, there was a guy I was crazy for. We really hit it off and text/video chatted often.  Though the distance between us was an obstacle, I was willing to give it a try.

But as of late, he’s very distant. Sometimes I won’t hear from him at all throughout the day.  As it stands as of this minute, I haven’t heard from him in 27 hours.  For the last week or so, this is becoming a trend, the time between messages is getting greater and greater.  I honestly am not sure how to take this.  I realize everyone has their own stuff going on, but it doesn’t take that long to send a text saying “Hey, I’m busy, but thinking of you.”

We were at a point where we were getting the feelings, and perhaps that was scary to him, or perhaps I was reading too much into our conversations.  But either way, he’s pulling away. 

Though it is kind of a slap in the face, it is what it is.  I cannot force someone to like me or be into me. The feeling of being ignored hurts, but there is nothing I can do about that.  I’m too old to be chasing people, and I just don’t have the energy to put into someone that isn’t going to reciprocate the sentiment. 

So, another one bites the dust.  I’m not going to reach out to him.  I’ll reply if he does text or call, but I am not going to waste my energy on someone that puts me on the back burner.  I have too much self worth to sit and wait on someone that treats me as an afterthought. If I am not a priority to you, you are not the one for me. 

As always, you can find the music from my blog by clicking here.

Music

This is a quick blog just to announce a small change.  As you may have noticed as of late, all of my blog posts are song titles.  They may or may not have to do with the song directly, perhaps just that title or theme of the song, but from now going forward the titles will all be song titles unless otherwise noted. 

I have also created a running playlist of all the songs I have or will use going forward.  You can find the playlist by clicking this link. The playlist is on Spotify, which is tied to my Facebook account. I’m now easier to stalk! 

But since I titled this announcement so, Music is a great song by Madonna that continued a new era for her (starting with Ray Of Light) in which she has gone from the classic Madonna we all grew up with into the electronic/EDM age. She has reinvented herself so many times, but this one seems to be her comfort zone. I thorooughly enjoy her, her music, and especially this song. 

Enjoy the music, enjoy the blog, and enjoy my opinions on life!

One Fine Day

‚ÄčOne fine day, you’ll look at me

And you will know our love was, meant to be
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for, will open wide
And you’ll be proud to have me, right by your side
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
Though I know you’re the kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I’ll keep waiting, and, someday darling
You’ll come to me when you want to settle down,
Oh!
One fine day, we’ll meet once more
And then you’ll want the love you threw away before
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl
One fine day, you’re gonna want me for your girl

This is a great song written by Carole King, most notably performed by The Chiffons, but there is an AWESOME cover by Natalie Merchant that is very jazzy and soulful. 

Now, obviously I am not a girl, but I have thought of the message of this song frequently as of late. As you may have read, I’ve got a new boo, but we live far enough apart that it is kind of an issue.  There are some other factors that (I feel) are keeping us from taking that plunge in the world of deeper feelings. I’m not hear to spout his business though. 

I think we are both hesitant to fall in love. We’ve both been in situations where we got hurt and don’t care to go through that again. Which I think is completely understandable. But I think I am more open to the idea of trying than he is. I get a sense of hesitation from him any time we discuss something serious. Some of the factors on his end I understand, others I think he is just avoiding the topic all together.

I don’t think he’s “the kind of boy who wants to run around” as the song states, but I do feel like I’m not as important to him as he’s becoming to me. I don’t want to be on anyone’s back burner. 

I am patiently waiting for him to get to where I am. I hope that it works out. For now, I’m content with how things are. But I hope that he’ll want me totally…..One Fine Day.